(Originally Written Tuesday, February 14th, 2006)

There are many types of people in this world. You've statistically met all of them. You likely don't know what I'm talking about but think about. Do you have friends who are alike? Or met people at university who are like some of your friends back home? There are only a few types of people and everyone falls into a category. You can change these categories at will and often people in the same category either hate or love each other with barely any middle ground. Unfortunately, or maybe it's fortunate, I'm not really sure, the group I hate are what I like to call Tomorrow's Children.

But first an explanation and a "delvation" into my history. I'm what I like to call a Soul of the Future Past. Don't think about it. Basically, growing up I had no friends. I spent my time reading, at recess, at home, everywhere. I have a large IQ as a result, or should say had because IQs are flexible little devils, and a large vocabulary. A secondary result is the vicious cycle. I read because I couldn't form social relationships and the better read I was the harder it was to form social relationships. Of course I could talk with adults easily, and people older than me. I could discuss topics that grade twos should not even know about. I had a dry sense of humour that eventually helped me make friends (we live in the age of sarcasm after all) but, much like the 40 year old trying to talk with his teenage children, I was unable to form these social links. Now I have tons of social links, and the only real backlash is that sometimes I get shy around people and need to retreat, or to Grok, as VM Smith would put it. 

There are two social groups I can fit into with ease. Of course, anyone can switch categories at will with a little luck or even with just practising. For instance, if I decided I wanted to be a snowboarder I would learn to snowboard and copy the social dialect utilized by the snowboarders. "Gotta go blast a dookie, bra!" However, the ones that I tend to gravitate to are the ones that enjoy me as a witty sarcastic kid and the ones that enjoy me as a sagely or at the very least well-learned personality. I know, I know, this whole entry reads like self gratification and looks highly hypocritical when the entry below it has lyrics about a showdown between Super Heroes, Super Villains and Godzilla, but please bear with me. 

In History class, a few weeks ago, we were split randomly into study groups. This ensured a well-rounded group of people, which, statistically, would fit together better. It was great. I provided an outgoing personality, able to share answers to the class. PA provided an intellectual base rivalling Hermione's. Matt provided computer skills and technological genius (I'm ok with computers but Matt HAS a computer in class which really makes the difference). I could go one but there's eight of use originally and I don't want to waste my HTML. Hmm, can you waste HTML? I'll have to ask Matt. But again I digress.

We formed bonds, we got together, we were happy and a well-oiled team. You can tell by the marks. I wont make a graph because there's no way to do it without data chasing and I may as well give you the scores. The first was 60%. Not bad for a first team activity because we had to get used to each other. The next was 80%. Then 90%. Then 100%. Then 90% again. Not bad, not bad. But then a new kid joined the group. I'll leave his name out of this because, though I'm not sure he has the skill set to use a computer, this definitely would offend him. The first time he meets us he reeks of pot. He shakes hands like a wussy. You can tell a lot about how someone shakes hands and this guy came off as lax and irresponsible. No matter, we could use someone like that in our group.

Here's the problem. As stated above I'm in two categories. This kid is in one, and I don't think I need to tell you what it is. Oh wait, yes I do, you don’t know him. He is in the Know-it-all group. I hate them. I loathe them. If you don't know something don't talk about it. He's the kind of guy that when you say "Studies show cigarettes are bad for you" he would answer with "well I disagree because I smoke and I'm healthy."

When you join a group that has been together for a long time there is a set of social rules you should go through. First, find out what kind of group it is. Then act in a way suitable to that group. I'll give you an example because that was wildly vague. Last weekend I had the immense pleasure of hanging out with Emily's friends. I knew before hand from stories about what kind of people they were, I stayed quite when analyzing Chris for the first few minutes and after assessing his personality realized that I could easily jump right in. I know, I know, I sound like a robot. Don't judge me, on one level or another; if you manage to make lots of friends, you are doing this too. Of course, fitting in with Emily and Chris and them may have had a little to do with my low tolerance to alcohol and Chris plying me with Rye and Coke. Either way good times were had by all, eh? And once again I manage to digress.

This kid enters the group and immediately starts giving out ideas. The question of the week was "In what way did the war of 1812 affect the Amerindians and Non-natives alliances." That is paraphrased by the way; I have little memory for words. Not that it matters. He responds immediately with this. "Well the Americans won the war of 1812 so..." to which a girl in our group who is knew, and therefore I cannot recall her name, said "Excuse me, but the Canadians won the war of 1812. We burned their Whitehouse to the ground." Then PA and I spoke up. PA said "No one won the war of 1812" and I said "Ante Bellum." This is a short form of the phrase "Status quo ante bellum" which means quite literally "as things were before the war". He just says "oh" and we continue on discussing. The war of 1812 was the last time Amerindians were used in battle... "Yeah," says he, "because after that guns were invented and we didn't need them anymore." "But," we argue back, "Guns had been around for years. They had used guns against us in raids, guns they got from trading with us." "Right." he says. ...were used in battle and it broke off all allegiances. "Which is when we forced them into schools and changed their religion." At this point I must say I lost control. "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, quite impolitely, "We were forcing them into schools for years!" 

"But never on reserves. That's when they started making reserves. The first reserve was in 1850." 

"You just made that up! You have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" "I'm part Indian!" Apart from the fact that the Amerindians, Aborigininals or First Nations would never refer to themselves as Indians, this guy is whiter than I am and I can't even get a tan.

"Look, you'll forgive us for not paying attention to the man who thought American won the war of 1812..."

"That was you!" he responds intelligently.

Chaos broke out with the argument about where everyone stood on the war of 1812. After PA re-established peace we begin discussing again.

"What happened immediately after 1812?" I ask PA, but this kid decides he should answer from his immense knowledge database.

"They were put in reserves." Obviously he knew this because he was one o' dem injuns from 1812.

"Just shut up and go sit in a corner," says I. This was a mistake. I was immediately given the most grown up and intelligent answer I have ever received in my life. "Fuck you. Fucking fuck you man. Don't treat me like a fucking two year old. You want a fucking black eye? Fuck, just fuck you." 

He kept swearing at us well I tried to copy down the rest of the note. He wants to be treated like an adult but cannot maintain adult language. He acts like a high school junior. "Wanna fight about it? Fuck fuck fuck Eminem rocks fuck. Is my visor on straight? I sure wish I was black. NO! A black Indian!"

Needless to say when it was our turn to present our findings all I had written down was the following. "The war of 1812 was the last time Amerindians were used in battle and it broke off all allegiances." After repeating that to the class the teacher asks, "Ok, very good, what happened after 1812?" To which I replied with the information my group supplied to me:

"I don't know sir."

I know, you're probably sick of me ranting in here. Or rather you like reading it because I tend to write like I speak which makes this a funny story somewhat (if you can get by the melodramatic introduction I guess) but if you have a kid and he goes to University and when in University he is still acting like a high school student do the world a favour. Castration would take his genes out of the pool.

By the by, if he does find this and decides to sue or something it should be noted that there are no threats in this entire statement nor is there any libel. He did what I said he did. Furthermore he threatened to "kill me" and "make me come to class with a black eye" while he was insulting me. Or rather insulting him because calling someone a fucktard says more about yourself than the person you call it to. 

Things you should have learned from reading this: 

1. Act your age if you want to be treated your age.

2. If you notice people in a group who don't agree with your more controversial ideas, it may be best to keep the controversial ones to yourself.

3. Learn to speak well and utilize these skills. I can't stress this enough.

4. Be yourself, but don't over do it. Coming to class reeking of refer and yelling about you being an Indian is probably the worst thing you can do, even if you are a stoner and even if you are one sixty-fourth Cree.

Love, as usual,

Doctor